It seems like I only write when I’m either drunk, or incredibly sad. But tonight, I don’t know what is wrong. I’ve had a solid couple of weeks actually. Been functioning pretty good, even slowly started moving stuff into my sisters house. My knee doesn’t hurt like it did, and I beat Legend of Zelda. Shit, I should be pretty good. But still…something about today just hit me. I turn 20 years old next Friday, and I have done shit with my life. Like, nothing.
I know, I know, I’ve said this before. But I still feel like it every now and then. Part of me is actually okay with it and just waiting for the right time to find my niche’ but still. The other half wants to cry for 8 days while I watch Sabrina the Teenage Witch. But then I spend half my day on Reddit and realize my life isn’t even that bad. Like shit, some of those people have had some fucked up shit happen to them. I have too, but I was never sexually abused or some of the crazy shit. So I’m not that bad. But sometimes, I just hate everything I’ve done.
I see all of these kids getting engaged, pregnant, or getting into high end colleges. So it just kind of sucks. My claim to fame is I have a level 83 Greninja on Pokemon X (don’t judge me bitches). Maybe once I get back into the gym I will start to feel better. I need to throw some Tornado Kicks.
Actually, this could be stemming from the girl I’ve mentioned a couple times. The little nerdy girl? Yeah, she actually spoke to me. It came out of nowhere and I spat up my Rockstar. She said thank you for the nice stuff I said about her, and that was it. I wanted to cry, but I watched Chasing Amy instead. Kinda the same feels. Losing someone you loved in a heartbeat, except she wasn’t a lesbian character played by Joey Lauren Adams and I wasn’t Ben Affleck. Because who wants to be Ben Affleck?
Writing this all down calms me down, because I then start to think about the positives in life and starting trying to rap (while failing miserably). I think one of my New Years Resolutions is going be to stop drinking during the week, and only on Saturdays. Just for a start.
Depression is a funny thing. I was diagnosed while in tenth grade, but never had it followed up on once I stopped taking my Prozac (it made me sleepy). I probably should look more into it, but this works just as well. For the people that actually read this, I’m glad you people exist. I feel like I owe you a lot more then what I give out. You’re truly awesome people. Maybe I just need to make more friends, but who sees that happening anytime soon?! *nervous laugh inserted*
Life is a bitch, but a bitch that is going to stick around for as long as you are alive. Maybe it’s time I start to live with it.
Honestly, if you don’t follow this girl on here, you are missing out on something special.
Normality is a smooth path, but no flowers grow on it; a tranquil sea, but one can not surf on it; an exquisite dinner, but there is no dessert after it; a safe flight, but there are no remarkable passengers.
What is a life without risks?
The more impractical your dreams,
the queasier they make you feel,
the more they make people say, “isn’t that a little unrealistic?” the better.
That way, it will immensely rewarding it will be when you prove them all wrong.